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Compulsive sexual behaviors take many forms, but in essence tbey can be defined this way: In many cases, the consequences get worse and worse over time.

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More and more hours spent surfing pornography or masturbating compulsively, more and more time spent obsessing over a new love interest, more and more lies and secrets to keep behavior out of the awareness of loved ones. Sometimes the consequences are overt and obvious; other times it's about missed opportunities: Compulsive sex inn relationship patterns are painful, for addicts themselves and for their partners and loved ones.

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Once these behaviors take on a life of their own, most individuals need additional help to stop harming themselves and others in this way. My approach to addressing sexual addiction is grounded in my personal experience and recovery as well as my experience working with many recovering people as a therapist both wanys residential treatment and outpatient counseling.

Unlike some approaches, my approach is very sex-positive. It is not about moralizing, shaming, controlling, or turning sex or sexual behaviors into a 'disease'. Most of us who have dealt with these issues have already had enough of all that.

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Instead, the work is about addressing the issues that turn sexuality into a compulsive and harmful pursuit. By addressing and resolving these issues, we can reach a place where sexuality can be free, fun, and pleasurable, in whatever forms and frequency feel good to the individual, without being driven by compulsion. Addressing the Underlying Issues.

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The issues almost every person h as to deal with are usually of two kinds. The simple truth is that as young persons most individuals dealing with these issues did not get the love and connection they needed. As a result, we become one-person psychological systems.

Even though many forms of sexual acting out look like connection, they are usually poor substitutes for the real thing. A huge part of recovery is repairing the ability to relate and attach healthily.

With this addiction, it just won't be enough to try to give up the acting out. We have to develop the kind of healthy relationships we want as well. I often think of a happy life as a beautiful garden: A major emphasis of recovery is creating the rich and fulfilling life that you want, in addition to giving up the behaviors you don't.

The second issue hWo a deep dive into the psychological wounds and needs that one is unconsciously using sexual behavior to avoid. Anyone who wants to get to the root of sexual compulsion will probably have to come to terms with the ways that the past may be influencing the present.

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This is hard work, but it is also sacred and profound work -- it changes our lives in some fundamental ways. Many who struggle with sexual compulsion and get to the other side actually say that Fun spontaneous woman wanted retrospect they are grateful for the compulsive behaviors, because those problems led them to take a deep look at themselves and live a more conscious, fulfilling life -- including a joyful, pleasurable, and satisfying sex life.

For most clients starting out, I recommend individual psychotherapy times weekly. I also recommend some form of group support, most preferably group therapy facilitated by a licensed professional.

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The problem is, in our addiction we attempt to connect in ways that harm us. Our work, then, is sec honor the deep hunger that underlies our addiction by learning to give and receive love in ways that satisfy our hearts, bodies, minds, and souls. Pythagoras emerging from the Underworld.

Stories from around the world tell of heroes and heroines who were compelled to journey to the dark side -- Hercules retrieving Alcestis, Innana rescuing her sister, Frodo's trip to Mordor. These journeys are required for the hero to gain strength and to carry back his or her gift to the world.

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Recovery from addiction is a Satna journey as well; we too must visit the dark side to discover our light. Healing Sexual Addiction My approach to addressing sexual addiction is grounded in my personal experience and recovery as well as my experience working with many recovering people as a therapist both in residential treatment and outpatient counseling. Addressing the Underlying Issues The issues almost every person h as to deal with are usually of two kinds.